and so to pastures new

As I said the other day, I made it back to work, but my health issues and time away made me re-evaluate my future.  There have been so many changes in the years I spent as a police officer but I accepted them all, most needed to happen and those that didn't ended up back to how they started over time, however this government has changed the lives of thousands of police officers across the country.  We signed up for a 30 year career but the pension reform has meant that we have to work until we are 60, for me that meant a 39 year career as I joined at 21.  I had to ask myself do I want to be a 60 year old Police officer?  The answer was simple NO, this job is hard, it can be harder than you can put into words sometimes, the shifts, the hours, the conflict, the upset, the loss they all take their toll on the body and mind, so where did that leave me?

Well it is the only job I wanted to do, I have not formal qualifications other than GCSE's that are neither use nor ornament and I feel I am being pushed out of the job by the changes in the pension.So I made the decision to leave the police, it was probably one of the hardest decisions i've ever made, but once it was made my life change fairly rapidly.

As I have no qualifications I decided to take myself back into education, I have enrolled on a degree course at Bishop Grosseteste University in Lincoln which I started at the end of September.  It has been such a whirlwind, only 7 weeks ago I was a police officer, a role I was comfortable in, I job I knew so well, I here I am a student, surrounded by teenagers and those half my age, it is such a culture such, but I am loving it.  I have found a new lease of life.  I have come to the conclusion that life is too short, you only get one shot at so live it to the full, I know, I know how many clichés, but it's true, You really do only regret the things you don't do.

So my advice to anyone out there who feels like they are in a rut or at a crossroads in your life, take that leap of faith, you might not know where you are going but that shouldn't be the reason to stay where you are.

I started this when I was in a dark, unhappy place but I will continue so you can follow my journey as I go, it won't be smooth i'm sure but I know I'll love it!!

One year on.....where has that year gone?

I cannot believe a year has past since my last post, it had been my intention to write about my experiences over the past year but life got on the way!

I had hoped that getting things down on paper (or the computer as it is now) would have helped me process what was happening, but that really isn't me, I've found that what works best for me is working it out for myself.  With the help of friends and a good counsellor definitely, but ultimately I need to process everything in my head, by myself.

This has been really difficult because I believe that keeping emotions and feelings to myself created the situation I was in, but there is a difference between bottling everything up and not talking to anyone and knowing there is a problem, working it through in your head and then talking it through over a cup of tea and a slice of cake with a friend.  It was what worked for me, I know lots of people will have gone through a similar experience in their life and will have dealt with it in so many different ways, it's finding what works for you and working with it.

So after about 4 months on anti-depressants, some much needed time away from work and the support of a few amazing friends I am out the other side, I have been off anti-depressants for the past few months, I got myself back to work, but only with the support of my amazing boss, he gave me space when I needed it and supported me through the whole return to work thing, without that understanding and patience I would not have got back to work.  It is a very difficult process, returning to work, especially doing the job I did, you feel like everybody is watching you, talking about you and waiting for you to fall again, you need to be strong enough to get back to work, not fully back to your old self but definitely stronger than you think you need to be.

So back to work I went, it wasn't easy, it wasn't fun at times and it tested my strength and resolve to the max but I did it.

What happened once I got back to work?  I'll tell you later!

See you soon
D